I’m not 100% committed to this as a lifestyle choice. There are many characteristics of a sub in my personality (eg desire to please, desire to belong to someone, desire to live by rules that someone else governs, etc.), but I’m struggling with some of my perceptions of this lifestyle.

I may very well be wrong, but I feel like this means the primary focus of my life is going to be sex. I want more than that in my life. Will I have to give up my personal dreams and aspirations in life? Will my entire being and focus have to be dedicated to pleasing His wills and desires?

We’ve talked briefly about this. The only thing He would require of me full time, if I accept, is to wear His collar. And to be honest, the thought of wearing His collar gives me a little bit of a thrill.

I’m probably being silly with these fears. Ideally, the training will bring us together in a bond of near perfect trust. And out of that, a relationship has a fantastic foundation and the bedroom life will be amazing and kinky and filled with everything He and I both want and love. And outside of the bedroom, we’ll just want to be with each other.

I guess we’ll see, won’t we?


~ by M on February 1, 2010.

One Response to “Reservations”

  1. I have been exploring my sexuality and my submission since I was approximately 18 years old. My exploration is never ending and through these past years I have come to learn that the D/s, M/s exchange varies with every person, in every couple. For me, sex has nothing to do with my submission and my service to Master. This does not mean that we do not have sex, we do and when we have sex there is a constant control over me from Master. With that said though, my obedience, my servitude to Master is not sexually based even though it can at times arouse him, me or both of us.

    I do know people who would not participate in the world of kink if sex was not involved; however, there are people such as myself where there is more kink without sex than with.

    Everyone is unique. Every relationship is unique. Find what compliments your desires. 🙂


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