An Ending


Earlier this week, a decision was made. My Daddy and I will no longer function in a D/s dynamic.

Needless to say, it’s been a rough week. I’m not happy about this decision, but I understand the need for it. And as a result, I feel less than whole.

The first day after the change, I thought it was because of me. I thought I had failed him. I thought I wasn’t good enough and that I was too needy for him. I thought he didn’t want me anymore. I cried myself to sleep and prayed things would be different in the morning.

Things are different. Making the transition from Daddy/princess to friend is not easy. Neither of us want to lose each other, but it’s nearly as taxing trying to actively keep intimacy out of a relationship as it is when you try to deal with it.

The first night, I called him by his name instead of Daddy and it made me cringe inside. The next day, he slipped and called me princess. Part of it is habit; part of it isn’t. He will always be Daddy to me. Part of me will always be submissive to him. Just because we are removing the sexual aspect of the relationship doesn’t mean everything else is automatically going to change.

But it is.

I ate fries this morning, knowing I couldn’t be punished for it. I have no Daddy; I have no rules.

I still felt guilty about it.

I know that he’s going to read this and he will be disappointed in me.

But we’re just friends now.

Friends.

I hate that word.

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~ by M on August 21, 2010.

4 Responses to “An Ending”

  1. I have been in your position before. It is never an easy one when I had to release my ‘slut slave’ for reasons that were mutually beneficial. Hang in there. The light at the end of the tunnel, albeit non-apparent now, will shine brighter than ever in days to come!

  2. it’s not easy for the Daddy when she walks away from Him and His love..to be ‘friends’

  3. […] But calling him that would be an open acknowledgement that I love him. And after what happened the last time I fell in love with someone I called Daddy… I have to be sure that he’s going to be […]

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