I’m Not Alone


I was just catching up on things in my feed reader when one post made me stop and cry. Everything I’ve felt over the past week was rolled up into one post. I never have mastered the art of eloquence, especially when I’m  upset, but Roxy certainly has.*

I’ll be the first to agree – it doesn’t make any sense. Never seeing someone because you couldn’t see them enough…it’s illogical.

But when my “I want to see you” banged up against his “but we have to be practical” for the 50 billionth time, it just hurt, damn it. I *am* practical, but I really need a romantic out there, reminding me of the stars when my reality is down in the mud.

Do you have any idea how awful things have been?

I want someone who says, “I don’t care what it takes, I’m going to see you again and again and again because there are no limits on my love. I will show you how important you are to me by treating you like a gift.”

Yeah, right.

I miss being touched. I miss being held. I miss being wanted. I don’t miss being told how hard it is to manage to find time for me.

I want someone who can’t wait to see me, every time, no matter what. I miss feeling like I was special, all the time.

I know I’m ridiculous. I’m insane. No one ever gets what I want, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting it. I’m sadder than I’ve ever been.

And I have no idea how to break it to my therapist.

*I mean no disrespect whatsoever by re-posting her words here. It is not to make light of her agony, it is a way for me to express mine.

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~ by M on August 24, 2010.

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