Melancholy


Yesterday I got to experience some fire play and fire cupping. It was fun. It could have been better, but I can definitely see enjoying it completely and totally with the right person.

The fire play, with me laying on my bed nearly naked, inevitably led to other things. For the first time in months, I had sex.

And today, I somewhat regret it.

Physically, I’m happy with what happened. I needed to be touched. But emotionally, I wish it hadn’t happened. It made me remember why I am usually very adamant about not having casual sex; I need to be emotionally connected to fully enjoy it.

But my body ruled everything yesterday and I gave in to those carnal desires.

After he left, I found out he’d fucked another girl earlier in the day. It bothered me, but it wasn’t until this morning that I was able to articulate why.

I feel like a whore.

And while I do want to be one man’s whore, he must be the right man. And I must be his only whore.

This is a completely different and negative feeling.

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~ by M on January 9, 2011.

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